....can i keep you?....

ever feel like.... your alone??

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 05:39:07 GMT

hey.. its only been a few days... ive been doing well i think...

so this is the weekend before my second semester starts.. and well.. im kinda ready for it to come.. ive been sleeping to much, and im kinda sick of doing laundry and washing dishes... so yeha.. it will be nice to go do something else for a change...

today was alright... i woke up and showered and all that crap and then went shopping alone.. bc well i think its faster and easier to go alone, that way no one has to wait for you, and you dont have to wait for neone else. i liked it.. i was in and out within like two hours, and i got all that i wanted! good for me!

after shopping i came home and got hannah, and we played.. well actually, mike and her were fighting, and i just watched, bc they dont listen to me.. and i think mike kinda hurt her this time.. so i told her to go to her room, and to just stay away from mike.. and then i yelled at mike..and he laughed! im good with kids! yeah right.. remind me again why i want 5-7.. oh yeah.. bc im fucking crazy!

tonight was alright, i was suppose to meet up with ash and hurl and go to the game... but they went to tom whals, and then i just went to jub and talked to suzie and kayla, and didnt really talk to joel... i was proud... but then i went to the game to watch my cousin greg, and well.. he didnt play when i was there... they lost.. like.. 40 something to 20 something.. we played leroy.. and then it was time for varsity.. adn they lost 53 to 50... close game.. and speaking of close... i was really close to bre frew... if i could of... i would have punched her or something... she doesnt like me, and i dont like her. it all works out.. i wouldnt mind being her friend.. but se blames the wrong person for things.. and well.. i think i can only take her in small sessions.

after the game we(kyle jess hurl ash and me) went for a walk. it was weird bc well.. jess had kyle. and ash had hurl to walk with.. and i was either behind or in front... i didnt really talkto them... and they werent really talkin to me.. when i tried to talk... no one really listened.. so i just kept walking with my head down... im getting use to being alone... i guess.. it happens alot neways. and then we went back to jessicas.. and well.. i didnt talk to them really. i went and talked to chris.. and then i left...

i miss my cousin.. i miss cousin time.. i miss sleepovers. and i miss me being able to tell her nething with out her giving me a look of... i dont fucking care, lets not talk about this...

i miss you jessica!!

?!??!!???

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 07:37:14 GMT

i dont even know what to say.

i miss you

its been awhile

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 06:38:33 GMT

so i guess its been awhile... few months if you will...im hoping for this to be my longest one ever... but i dont think i will get there. ah well.

so my first semester at college is over.. and i have yet to find out how i did on my finals.. which should be very interesting... i didnt study for ne finals this year... i might want to rething that...final papers were... interesting if u will... i did most of them last minute, and i dont kno how.. but i did decent on them.

its kinda funny... bc at college i have some ppl that went to my high school that go there now.. and well.. its weird, bc ive become closer to them, and i want to hang out with them more.. its a fun time... during common hour we bring in games like clue, candy land, life, and even a few cards game in... some ppl this were crazy, but we have a good time.

ive met alot of new ppl there too... mostly guys, some girls... there all nice. i was talkin to kayla one day about this boy who wore rainbow shoe laces on his wrists, and danced around the cafe, like he didnt give a shit of what other ppl thought... and i looked at kayla and said... "he shall become my friend!" and wouldnt u kno it... hes my friend, and ilove him soo much... his name is Aj, but ppl call him GayJ, bc, well duh, hes gay.

ive meet some kewl chicks... mostly from my sign class... there a good time...we had so much fun in that class.. no one really knew what there were doing... except 3 ppl... but there just good! i will miss them all...I will mostly miss my steph, who is a crazy mother fucker, and she makes noise when she signs... shes cute, ilove her.. and i miss her to death..

ok i guess i should tell you that i found a boy that i like.. alot... but i dont think were on the same page yet... in fact i kno where not on the same page... wanna know how i kno that were not on the same page... bc hes still inlove with his ex-girlfriend Ciera...hes a nice guy... hes also a depressed kiddo too... those are the negatives.... heres some positives... hes 20, he has beautiful blue eyes, and a beautiful smile to match... he smells wonderful... yeah... thats the good stuff.. oh yeah.. his name is Brandon.

everyone that sees Brandon and i together, thinks that we should be going out.. and that he likes me, and all that other crap... honestly... he just likes to flirt, and maybe lead you on... im not sure, but i kno that someone is prolly gonna get hurt outta this if it doesnt go well.. which it prolly wont... and that someone will be me...ah well.. ill just sit back and wait for that day...

so christmas has come and gone.. and i dont have much to bitch about this year on xmas gifts... the gparents did well... i got a tv/dvd player... and other kewl things.. but i didnt get my damn perfume that ive asked for, for 2 xmas' and one birthday...ok that all i have to bitch about...

my aunt renate called us on xmas day... to tell us that she was coming home jan 3rd-jan 7th.. not that long i kno.. but we only see her once a year in the summer.. so this little visit will be fun. lots to do in little time...

heres a few fun facts...Ryan Rice.. the one that i talked about a few entries ago... has a new love.. her name is ashley, and she went to school with me.. and i guess there in love.. so... i guess im happy for them...

the boy that ive been sleeping with... i am no longer sleeping with him, bc i promised my sukababy that im done with him.. and it feels good to not fuck him...

hum.. i dont think i kno nemore fun facts... oh wait.. yes i do... i still miss dan harris.. and no i still wont call him.. bc im afraid that i will hurt him... and i dont want to do that... hes a good guy and he doesnt need pain in his life...

ok i think im done... just one more thing i guess....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! - u were good 2005 -- here comes 2006!!!

i love you all, and goodnight.

long time no talk

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 02:10:28 GMT

Why hello there,

i dont kno what to write, so i will fly by the seat of my pants on this one.
i kno u love that expression. dont lie, u do.

well neways im in college now, and well i dont see my friends unless i skip school or stay out late on the weekends. and well.. so far ive done both.. mostly just stay out late on the weekends

so i have this friend named Ryan Rice, and he told me that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.. which was shocking to me bc well ive never heard that from someone unless they were kidding.. but i guess he wasnt. i just found out the other day that he knows one of my friends from high school, and hes coming home to see her in november.. i guess that good,kinda... oh well... i dunno why im writing this.. i kno u dont like him, or u just dont care.

School is a fun place i guess-- although theres this one kid that goes there, and he wants to have sex with me bc his gf wont.. and well... i have joked about having sex with him.. but i never will.. i just cant... or wont. idont kno why.. maybe if u were friends with him as long as i have been u wouldnt want to either.

Neways, i want to go to California to see John John.. and i want to go with suka and sarah, but then again i dont.
selfish, yes
for some reason i think ill be with him for the rest of my life and i kno that it wont happen... suka has told me many times not to think like that, bc u never know what could happen, i could get hurt. i love her for that.. but we were talkin today, and even though people look out for me and have there opinions on what i do, i will still do it even though its not the best thing for me.... like Ryan Lee..

well yeah.. i have alot more to write, but i kno u dont care.. so ill talk to you later. Goodnight- i do love you

family night

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 04:14:05 GMT

So yeah tonight was a fun night... in a way... lets go through emilys day... shall we... ok good.
1. went to school.
2. came home and took a sweet nap.
3.ignored a texted from Ryan Rice
4. picked up hannah
5. dropped movies off at jub for suka
6. went to calling hours.(saddness)
7. went to my cousins game.
8. went to get dinner with my sister... and ice cream...and i saw suka and my patty cakes... and chelshole
9.watched Dane Cook with my family (not a good idea)
10. went to jessicas
11. went to sukas and then kyles
12. went back to jessicas.
13. fought with kyle

yeah dude he fucken hurt my middle finger.it hurts when i bend it... so i hope his dick hurts for a while... and i only nicked it a few times.

how i miss being with my family... aka suka kyle me and jess... but the twins were missing... damn kids oh well

so yeah.. i had to end it early bc well i have to get up early tomorrow... yes i kno im online doing things at 12... but i cant be with jess and kyle for to long... ilove them both- and ilove that there together... but i want what she has... i dont like fuck buddies or ne of that shit... but thats all i have.. no i dont like it... and i kno that i shouldnt do it... and i dunno why i do it.. but it but i do...

Confession... i do infact miss Dan Harris.
i havnt talked to him since that one day i ran into him and i only talked to him for like 2 mins. he was a great bf.. but he wanted to me with me every second that i wasnt in school. i guess i wasnt ready for that. and yeah.. i fucked up when i told matty that i wanted to fuck him... but iwas kidding. these kids didnt kno me yet.. and thats understandable, but if they knew that jess wanted to fuck matt too im sure i wouldnt be friends with them now... so.. i guess i owe jess one...

ok well i think im gonna go to bed. i have a babyshower tomorrow. i have to do somethings with my mom b4 it too... so goodnight

its sukas birthday

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 01:38:01 GMT

so today is that day that my suka turned 18- to celebrate we went and got inked! that was fun fun fun... then when we got home.. we bought a pack of ciggs... well suka did.. bc shes legal.. and we each had one... but no more..
when we got back to her house.. well i told her that i had sex with some kid again... and i didnt really kno why... and honestly... i dont know why i do... he does infact treat me like shit...but thats all ive felt from a guy... except dan.. he was a great guy... i just wasnt ready and then i fucked it up...
my cousin is "dating" my friend kyle... hes like my brother.. and well.. its extremely weird for me.. so in order for me to be use to it... i make fun of them... BLAH... i hate me right now... no more... i cant...

just kno that i fuck up alot

i guess its time

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 05:43:29 GMT

ok well here i am... im updating for *you*
two nights ago.. i spent yet another night at my friend suzies house.. i thought that we would have a nice evening at the computer or watching movies sipping of our beers-bc well we had an 18 pack-yummy!! and then well dave decides to scare me.. and then invite sue and i to a party at dinos house.. well let me tell you.. i played one to many games of beer pong.. i was suka's daves dinos and adams partner... and well... i kicked ass some games i got like 3 cups in a row one game.. thats good shit when u cant really see the cup!during a game.. i got crazy and showed ppl my tits.. i was hot and i need to kewl down.. so i flashed everyone.. and sue said that i would regret it.. but i really dont.. lifes to short to have regrets. after my game of beer pong with adam.. i was done.. i was cocked. and then i went pee.. and made out with adam- which sue got mad at me for.. and i dont blame her.. i was mad at me when i found out that he fucked maria- now that shits nasty- but i dont regret makin out with him.. bc once again.. lifes to short to have regrets.. that past is in the past.. u cant change nething.. live in the present and have fun!
on a diff note tonight was super fun.. i went to my cousins house bc well laguna beach was on. and i hate the show but i like to see what happens.. and well i invited shan and kelly without asking jess my bad.. but we had fun.. and sue and kyle where there... ilove my roomies-neways... we played air hockey and then kyle sue and i play guns and darts i guess haha.. we fun like taht... good times with them! well i have to sleep... ilove you all. goodnight

yumyum!!!

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 04:13:00 GMT

hello there my friends! tonight is the night that we take in for the rest of our lives.... drinking with friends.yes thats right-im drinking yummies! with my lovelys... my parents let me spend the night with my bestfriend after 3 years!!! we got introuble once.. and then never again!! bc were just good like that... ok well ill update again... i have to wait 15 more mins b4 i can pee- bc i cant break the seal!! ok byebye for now!

?should i be worried?

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 05:00:11 GMT

ok so i havent updated in a long time... but ive been busy- some one told me that i should read someone elses journal tonight and i did- its another friend of mine :: best friend:: that is. i love her to death/but she also scares me to death. she tells me that theres nothing to worry about-but i do neways...im sorry im not telling you all of this to your face, i would if i could... but all you would see is tears- and a very worried friend. You kno that i love you more than nething in the world, and u kno that idont agree with all the things that u do, and that i dont like to talk about certain things with you. i understand where ur coming from, but u have to also understand that what you do sometimes scares me... sometimes iwonder if come the next day ull be here. its not a fun thing to think about. im so proud of you that u stopped smoking and that ur trying hard to not smoke... but honestly...sometimes i think ull be healthier when u do smoke... bc u eat when u smoke... ur not as worried about how much u weigh... u kno i dont like it when u hide "things" from me... i dont like seeing u like this..i want u to be happy- i want u to smile, i want u to be u... i kno u have alot of shit on ur plate right now... and they will all fall into place as time goes on... be patient.

im done- tears are taking over

How does it feel?

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 04:38:47 GMT

I guess im here to talk bout my past events.
Shan's Grad party-
alright well i was having fun way before mentioning the magic word..."alcohol"
once that was mentioned- i had a smile on my face... i had already told mom and dad that i was sleeping over, so i was set. At like.. 10 maybe it was.. we had to go get shan's friend(mine to but im not as close if u kno what i mean)from work and we hit up a party b4 we went back to hers... had a few beers.. and i was good..b4 we went newhere her sister(shes way kewl told me that she had no problem getting me shit faced! i was stoked!!!! the only downer was that we had to wait till her dad went to bed bc he didnt want underage drinking..but her mom was okay with it as long as u spent the night... so i was set!!i played beer pong- and well i sucked at it.. bc iwas already cocked when i started playing.. which wasnt fair bc i couldnt see the cups..blah... so later that night.. i got close and personal to a boy whos name is Joe.. and also with a boy whos name was James... but more shit with the boy named Joe... we wont go into details with that.. but just kno i had a good time!
- more later-

tired& hot

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 05:01:26 GMT

ok so i havent written in like... 3 days.. idunno u do the math- im not good. im not gonna write alot tonight bc im tired and i wanna sleep. i promise i will write about my night at my friends grad party... i keep getting new bits of new info-so wheni think i have it all... ill write. ok well goodnight.. ilove you all...

blah

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 04:48:49 GMT

not really in the mood to write tonight... so i dont think i will.. i might later.. but not now.. im makin a myspace so i think im gonna go work on that..

Suka im sorry-love you

Random Night

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 04:13:23 GMT

Well today in a nutshell was fucken boring.as u all read in the other one.. i spent the night at my cousins house, and we didnt wake up till 12. and we just kinda sat around for a while... i finally ventured home around 4 and then went to volleyball at 6 and didnt leave there till like 9:15.. then i went bowling with my bestest friend suka(roomy #1), my dear cousin deh deh(jessica) and my lovey Dk(Kyle-roomy#2) and a random body of Jimmy Wheeler! it was some fun... but my Prick ass Father had to have me home right after bc ive been out late everynight.. which my dear friends.. isnt true.
My lovely Ryan-he misses me, and i miss him... and we love each other. Today he told me that he wanted a suprise for when he came back from the service-he said he wanted a baby..let me remind u that im only 18- and well i want to get threw a few years of college b4 i have kids- and the fact that my dad would prolly kill me if i had a baby!
Well like any other night.. this one wasnt too exciting.. sorry guys..

party night!!!

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 05:52:26 GMT

ALright... im doing well... second night in a row of writing in my livejournal...
So tonight i told my mom i was going to a friends house... which was 100% true.. and then we walked up town for coffee and ciggs.. what a combo right? no not really... but anyways.. when we got back to my friends house we got a call from another friend... and he told us that there was a party, and that we should go.. so well all sat around with our thumbs up our ass' pondering wether or not we should go... well by golly we went to that party... the place was called "the dipper" I didnt kno what to expect.. so when we got there.. we had to like.. drive down this dirt road, and then there was this massive bonfire, and a shit load of ppl.i almost had a heart attack. Not really.. it was fun, but then my cousins mom called her and she was flippin shit bc she told her mom that we were going to Dunken Donuts... and well... and hour and a half later we still werent home from getting coffee... so we had to come home..OH well..
Tonight i was talkin to my friend Ryan, and he almost made me cry.. but it was a good cry..i told him i was going to a party, and he told me i couldnt go bc he didnt want to share me.. and then he told me that he thinks that he loves me.. i thought that it was the cutiest thing that neone has said to me..
ok well i think thats enough for tonight.. i promise ill write something worth readin one of these days!
Goodnight Dear Readers

I just wanna DANCE!!!

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 05:08:26 GMT

Alright, well here it is... my entry... nothing to special.. ill just tell u a few fun facts about myself..maybe.
I think for a few years now... ppl have been wanting me to get one of these things.. and now that i have one... there tellin me that i need a myspace.. i feel that i dont need either of these, but ill do what makes the ppl happy.
So i am now an alumni of my high school good ol' Donia.. im glad its over in a way.. i get to leave all the drama behind, and start somewhere new. I am now 18, and that means clubs to me.. Tonihgt i went to my first one.. and it was a good time.. lots of punk ppl... which im into..he was 28.. i would have never guessed.. but... i think theres cutier ones in the town over..
I meet this kid Ryan.. hes a nice fellow, we decided that we are going to have 5 kids together.. he wants 4 and i want 5.. so we made a deal and were going with 5... hes 18, and he lives in Avoca, which is like 45 mins away if i speed.i met him threw my cousins lover Larry... hes another fun kid... not to shabby!
Alright well i think thats enough for now... im tired and i dont think any of this makes sence... but i dont care.. ill write more later.. maybe tomorrow... Goodnight-Love you all

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 06:18:59 GMT

i just took emily's livejournal virginity. x)